Letting it Go

It’s been a long week. It’s been a hard week. I feel stressed. I feel tired. I feel out-of-balance. I feel defeated. I yearn to lie on the floor of my office, curl up in a ball, and just cry. Oh, and yell. “I can’t do this anymore!” Is this it? Have I decided again, that being a working mom is not possible for me? My head throbs with all the responsibilities I must yet fulfill, the tasks I have procrastinated on that need to get done over the weekend. Even worse, my heart hurts knowing how agitated I’ve been with my children for being needy, as they should be, when all they want is some specialized attention from Mommy. Guilt seeps in remembering their angelic faces looking disappointed when I say “no” to playing because my brain is in a fog from my stressful work days. Yes, stay-at-home-mom sounds very appealing right now. This is not the first time I have doubted myself and my abilities to continue on as a working mom.

But just wait. I need to start listening to what is going on in my mind, “the voices in my head.” What is so exhausting? Why am I letting it get to me? Why am I taking it home? Time to fight back. I remind myself, “you can’t help everyone Suzanne.” And I tell myself what I tell my clients, “these challenges only make you stronger.” And although I don’t want to admit it in the moment, because it’s easier to give up and wallow in despair, this is the truth. I take a deep breath, and I listen hard for the quiet to bring me peace. And I find it. I’m weary because I am not invincible. I accept this. Despite not being invincible, I am resilient.  I appreciate the hard week because it’s pushed me to ask the right questions and allowed me to find the answers that were missing. And the darkness that has been growing and weighing down my spirit throughout the week lifts. Just like that I feel renewed. I’m ready. I am a conqueror…

 

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